Thankful

The holidays are in full swing.  Thanksgiving Day is just a few days behind me, and now I'm thinking about Christmas.  I'm one of those annoying people who tends to mesh the two holidays; I like my Christmas tree up and Christmas music on in November.  And although I didn't publicly post on FaceBook like many of my friends all of the things I'm thankful for, I sure have been counting my blessings!

I'm beyond thankful to be having a peaceful season here at home with my three children and husband all together.  Being together means so much more now since we endured such a long separation period, and I don't think I'll ever take it for granted again!  I'm so thankful that Avery is as healthy as he is.  We also have been blessed recently in several ways.  Without going into tons of details, I'll just say that God seems to be making a way for Avery to receive some medical coverage and services that we have struggled to get him due to income restrictions.  I never knew how twisted our system was before having Avery, but folks who work jobs and own homes have it much harder than people who don't when it comes to getting help for their special needs child.  However, I got a very encouraging phone call the other day, and I'm feeling very hopeful. 

Our family has also been blessed in other ways.  Our attention has been so focused on just surviving Avery's health crisis that things like ministry, finances, and plans for our future had been completely ignored.  I've been teaching a class two days a week at a local college, forcing me to put my mushy brain back into gear.  Phillip has had a lot of ministry opportunities recently, and it feels good to be able to start looking toward the future again -- to actually have options.  That not may make a lot of sense to you, but for us, we have felt very stuck, overwhelmed, and completely wrapped up with getting Avery healthy, which of course we're happy to do, but it has taken its toll in other ways.

We spent Thanksgiving Day in Tennessee with my father-in-law and his new wife, Mary.  Although our hearts still ache for those who we have lost, it's so wonderful to see how God has restored the joy in their lives and brought something good out of something so painful.  The Hoskins family has been broken and experienced a lot of grief over the last few years -- much like the Isaacs family, and it is so nice to see how our family is being blessed by having an entirely new family added to it, and strangely, they share so many common experiences that there's an understanding of what each has been coping with.  God sure knows how to heal!

Yes, I'm thankful for my home, food, clothing, and all the other material blessings I possess, but this year has been about so much more than that.  Bryson said the other day, "Mom, I sure wish Christmas was all about getting and not about giving!"  Well, we do have a bit more training, perhaps, to get Bryson more in tune with the true meaning of the season.  But after being on the receiving end last year of so many kind gestures from our friends, families, hospital staff, and Ronald McDonald House, it sure feels good to be able to give back this year!  I'm truly thankful that God has carried us through this year. 

God bless!
Bethany

The REAL Life of a Housewife

The other day, I was out running mundane errands, and my sister was riding along with me.  I generally plan them so that I can get in and out of all the places I need to go in the most efficient means possible and take advantage of the bank and pharmacy drive-thrus so that I don't have to needlessly get a bulky wheelchair out of my van for Avery and hope that Em is cooperative enough to hold my hand.  After my stops at the post office, library, bank, and CVS, we were discussing whether or not we could squeeze in an actual fun stop somewhere before Em started melting down, a sure sign that she's ready for her nap.  Throughout my urgency to get through my errands and calm my fussy baby from the driver's seat, I jokingly said to Sarah that we should have our own reality series...The Real Housewives of Ohio.  But I'm sure the ratings would be basically non-existent, which is why those show producers choose beautiful (or at least surgically modified), wealthy women with nannies and hot tempers. 

For some reason, there seems to be a fascination with "housewives."  I've seen brief clips (I would never waste my time actually watching the stuff), interviews, and magazine covers of the "Real Housewives" from cities all over the U.S., and I can't help but scoff at them.  The word "Real" shouldn't be anywhere in the title, unless I'm totally out of touch and living on another planet, that is, 'cause my life as a housewife isn't anywhere nearly as glamorous and dramatic.

But what does a real housewife do?  Hmmm...well, at least I generally start my day by climbing out of bed about ten minutes before it's time to wake my six-year-old for Kindergarten.  I'm always tired because Phillip and I stay up too late just to have a little adult conversation, and unfortunately, my 15-month-old hasn't gotten the memo that she's supposed to be sleeping through the night by this point in her life, and I have a hard time going back to sleep after I've been woken.  I always scramble around to straighten up and get Avery's meds drawn up before he and Emerson get up or I have a hard time keeping up at that point.  Then the tube feeding, the diapers, the chasing an active toddler around, the preparations for dinner, the mountains of laundry, the house work that is unending, and at some point, I make the big decision of whether or not I should bother getting dressed.  And those are the days I'm home.  The days Avery has doctor's appointments or I have errands to run and groceries to buy get even more complicated with the packing of bags, Barney dvds to pass the time, loading and unloading the ole' minivan...glamorous, huh??

Yeah, although my life is not the stuff reality shows are made of, I am blessed to be able to stay home with my kiddos.  Despite the fact that my closet is filled with clothes that might have been in style a few years ago and the fact that my kids keep me so busy, it's mine, and I love it!  Yes, I get slightly annoyed by the "You've got your hands full" comments and the raised eyebrows when I venture out with my "spirited" crew or have to spend time sitting in a waiting room.  Yes, my hands are full, but so is my heart!  These three little people bring such joy and such love...along with everything else.  That's something that those TV housewives probably don't know so much about!!

On that note, this housewife better get moving before the little ones beat me to it!
Bethany

And Now it's November...

It's a new month, and although we're only a few days into it, it's been fairly eventful around the Hoskins' house!

We started it off by Avery having emergency eye surgery on November 1st.  The previous day, I took him in for a check up at the retinal specialist in Cincinnati.  A pressure check in the office showed that his pressure was extremely high (54), and left untreated he would be at risk of vision damage or loss.  Since no one nearby seems to feel comfortable operating on Avery's eyes, we were sent to University of Kentucky Hospital in Lexington to a specialist there who placed a new drainage system in Avery's right eye.  It's very technical, but essentially, he now  has a plate in the back of his eye and a tube inside the back of his eye that allows fluid to drain and relieve the eye pressure.  It will take several weeks for the stitches to heal and the drain to fully function, and Avery is being reassessed weekly to see if he is going to require an additional tube to control the pressure.  As always, Avery went through the surgery like a champ.  I always worry when my baby has to undergo any kind of procedure, and especially after the surgeon told us before surgery all of the risks, which included a collapsing eyeball from removing too much fluid and severe eye infection or nerve damage leading to total loss of the eyeball.  Ugh.  That doctor didn't seem to think that Avery's right eye is going to be able to see much, with his history of retinal detachment and now glaucoma, and also told us that this is going to be a lifelong battle we're going to deal with.  That breaks my heart because I feel like Avery has so little that he is able to do, and seeing is something that is really important.  But Avery is feeling pretty good, and despite a bloody, swollen eye, he seems like he is handling it all well.

Before surgery

Emerson likes to help take care of her big bro.  Here she's trying to put his eye patch back on.  She doesn't quite have it in the right spot!

Another first, this one a positive one, was Bryson's first hunting experience.  Phillip has taken Bryson out in the woods before, but this was the first time with guns involved.  They got up before dawn and went out to my grandpa's farm to squirrel hunt.  Bryson was so excited!  It was freezing cold, and Phillip said Bryson's feet were like ice cubes.  They were only out an hour or two, and they didn't catch anything.  But Bryson's eyes were wide as he told me how he saw some deer and "smelled squirrels," whatever that means.  I had to laugh when Phillip told me disappointedly that Bryson isn't much of a hunter.  He said Bryson said, "Let's lean against this tree and watch the sunrise, Daddy.  Oh, did you bring those bananas so I can have a snack?"  I think Bryson thought he was on a picnic, not a hunt, which is probably my fault.  He enjoyed it so much, though, that I'm sure with more practice and maturity, he may turn out to be the hunter that would make his daddy proud!

The hunter

Here he is prepping for the big hunt the night before.

Now that it's officially November, I'm itching to get into the holiday season.  Last year, I didn't get to decorate for Christmas besides a tiny little tree in our Ronald McDonald House room, and I purposely listened to talk radio or Pandora to avoid the Christmas music.  It made me sad to hear it and not be able to enjoy it.  I did ALL of the little bit of shopping I did online.  Basically, we ignored Thanksgiving and Christmas, and did the bare minimum for Bryson's sake.

I don't really care so much about the presents part...sure, we'll get our kids a few things, but really, Avery and Emerson would be just as satisfied with a box of paper than anything.  But I am so looking forward to enjoying my family being home together, planning family gatherings, listening to the music, hanging a few decorations, and celebrating my favorite time of year.  So with a tiny bit of arm twisting on my scrooge-like husband, I'm hoping to get started early this year, and by early I mean this weekend!  More than ever, we have so much to be thankful for, and it seems so appropriate that we make the most of this year.

On that note, I think I'll end this rambling post.  Until next time...
Bethany

Happy Cell Day, Avery!

What I'm feeling today can be summed up in one word: thankful. Not just a little thankful though, deeply grateful from the bottom of my heart to my wonderful God, to the amazing medical team at Cincinnati Children's Hospital, and to the donor who gave a little part of himself to my Avery on this very day one year ago.

Prior to transplant and for a couple of months following the transplant, Avery was transfused with platelets about every 7-9 days and with red cells about every 2 weeks. He would go from having a platelet count of around 200k post transfusion to a single digit count about a week later. He was covered in bruises and ptekai. He would get red cells when his hemoglobin dropped below 7, although at times it was much lower.

Not to bore you with all the details, but the weeks following the transplant were Avery's worst. The weeks of chemo finally caught up with him about the same time his body was invaded with new stem cells that were trying to replace his. His body put up a fight, and he was so pitiful as he rocked back and forth in pain despite his pain pump night after night. The vomiting and diahrrea were out of control, and even the tube feeds had to be stopped and replaced with TPN through his central line for a few months to give his gi tract time to heal. His kidneys and liver were hit very hard, and his immune system had to be repressed to allow the new cells to graft without being attacked. He developed rashes all over his body, mucousitis (sores inside the mouth and throughout the gi tract), graft vs. host disease in his mouth and throat, thrush, spinal/lumbar fractures, and a variety of other symptoms that go along with the treatments used during the process.

While Avery may seem fragile, and he is in some ways, let me tell you, he has fought through some dark, dark days and endured pain that would make most folks just give up. This day will always be the day we remember that Avery got his second chance on life and his brand new cells!  It also marks the time we've waited for when the worst is behind us and Avery's recovery period is nearly complete.

Happy cell day to the bravest little boy I know, Avery!

My boys and I on Avery's transplant day.  Bryson got special permission to come for the event.

Avery watching his Barney while he is receiving his new cells.  He thought the whole thing was a little boring. :-)

Avery's new bone marrow!

Pushing Pause

Doesn't it seem like we're just always in a rush? Maybe you're not guilty like I am, but it sure seems like I'm always wishing away a moment or not truly enjoying a particular time because I'm thinking about the next thing I need to do. Busy, busy, busy. And minutes turn to hours, hours turn to days, days turn to weeks, and before you know it, I'm looking back thinking, "Where did the time go?"

I think it's natural to believe that something better lies ahead for us, and in a way, that's good. But what about those wonderful opportunities to savor a moment that I'm letting slip through my fingers today? When I was a kid, I remember looking at teenagers thinking that I just couldn't wait to be one. And then it was dating and marriage that seemed so perfect. After all, adults get to do whatever they want, whenever they want, right?? Now here I am, thirty-one years old (even typing that makes me choke just a little!), and I'm looking for a brake to slow this train down, or at least a pause button!

Phillip and I were recently reminiscing about our early married days and discussing a remodel job that we did years ago. Then we kind of moved from one topic to the next, and I realized that we sounded a lot like my grandparents sound sometimes when they tell us about some of the events of their lifetime. It kind of dawned on me, again, that I will be them someday! It doesn't help much when Bryson says sweetly, "Mommy, I love you even though you're old!"

If there's any resolution I have made to myself lately, it is to just SLOW DOWN and make the most of today. No, it's not always a beautiful life. In fact, it's kind of noisy and chaotic, but it's mine and filled with so much love! I have to say that with the events over the last 12 months, I feel kind of like I just missed a year of life. But now I'm back to a somewhat "normal" existence, and everyday brings an opportunity to make a memory.

I don't have any beautiful pictures to share tonight, (after all, beautiful pictures, for my crew anyway, are usually not nearly as much fun as they look!) but I do have some of the snapshots I've taken recently just because I couldn't let the moment go by without capturing it! So here's to savoring a few moments of my wonderfully imperfect life!

My boys at the park on a beautiful fall day. Bryson wasn't thrilled about stopping his playing to pose, but I just love Avery's pose. Love these boys!

Bryson's kindergarten school picture. This little guy is the best big brother ever, and I'm so proud of him!

Daddy and Bryson were gone, so Avery and Emerson enjoyed a long bath together. He has finally fallen in love with her...it took awhile, but now he cracks up at almost everything she does.

Em using her big brother as a seat, and you can't tell, but Avery is smiling!  With Bryson at school all day, they're becoming great friends.

Flowers from my husband and kids on my first day back to part-time teaching.  Yes, I'm a lucky woman!

Avery living the good life! :-)

My grandpa has a habit of bringing my kids cotton candy once or twice a week.  He loves his great-grandbabies!  As his hat points out, he's a WWII vet, and his worn, bent hands are trying to keep up with feeding Miss Em that huge ball of sugar!  We're blessed to still have him!

In Mommy's shades!

Memory Lane

One year ago today, we checked into our temporary home, aka room 16 in the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit at Cincinnati Children's Hospital.  We entered with much hope and were as prepared as we could have been.  We had absolutely no idea how  physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially draining the entire experience was going to be, but our only goal was to save our little boy's life.

Today, my little Avery is safe and sound in his own bed, sleeping much later than he would have in the hospital.  They would have woken him by now with the changing of shifts and vitals, meds, and assessments.  Today, Avery's cbc is pretty close to normal, and his other counts are stabilizing, slowly but surely.  Miraculous.

Our 8 months in Cincinnati seemed to take a lot from us, including precious time with our other children and the ability to watch our last baby grow as babies do so quickly!  Avery quit eating, lost a lot of his muscle tone that he had worked so hard to gain, and for a while, lost his smile.

I would never say that this year flew by.  In reality, it was the longest year ever, and there were moments, days, and weeks, I feared it would never end and even questioned whether or not we did the right thing by putting Avery through such an ordeal.  But God has kept his promise and brought us through the biggest storm of our life thus far.

I'm so thankful this year is behind us and Avery is on the road to recovery, at least in his hematology issues.

So what's on our agenda for today?  Well, we're almost all packed up, and whenever Phillip gets home, we're loading  up the minivan and heading to Indiana.  Phillip is preaching my dad's homecoming service Sunday, and I get to spend the entire weekend enjoying being with my precious family!

Psalm 30:5 - ...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Bethany

A Fresh Start

Autumn is officially here, and I'm so looking forward to the next few months.  I don't think I have a "favorite" season; I look forward to each one for different reasons, but more so this year than ever!  This time last year we were getting our business in order for Avery's long hospital stay and bone marrow transplant.  We tried to prepare ourselves, but there is simply no way to fully do so.  When the days were long and painful, we were told by our nurses, doctors, social worker, and fellow BMT families to focus on the future...to envision this time next year.  Well, I took that advice to heart, and I think that's the only thing that kept me sane some days.  My plan for the next year, or two, or fifty...is to make the most of every moment and enjoy the time I have with my family! 

You'll probably get sick of hearing my "this time last year" stories, but I just can't describe just how difficult, stressful, scary, lonely, and exhausting the last year has been.  Well, it has been pretty stressful for several years as Avery's health declined and we became busier trying to keep up with his symptoms and our worry grew as to what was going to happen.  But the past is the past.  Today is a blessing, and as the leaves are starting to change and the air is getting that distinct crisp, fall feel, it seems like a fresh start in more ways than one.

Yesterday, Avery went into clinic for a check-up and labs.  I never cease to be amazed by "normal" blood counts.  Sure, his white cells are still coming in, his platelets aren't quite in the normal range, and is liver panel is elevated, but with time, those should regulate.  His hemoglobin is 15!!  Wow!  That's actually a little high. :-)  His ANC was over 6000.  Numbers like that make me want to tell anybody who will listen.

Today I had a chance to thoroughly clean my house, which should last about 10 minutes if I'm lucky.  I put a fall scent in my candle warmer and just enjoyed this cool, rainy, fall day.  I know that sounds completely ordinary and unexciting to some of you folks, but it means so much to me!  Since we've been home, my husband can vouch for the fact that I've been cooking and baking like I never have before.  Some of that is due to us not being able to be out and about, but it's mostly because after 8 months of fast food, hospital cafeteria food, and volunteer-cooked meals at the Ronald McDonald House, I now appreciate more than ever the chance to cook and share a meal with my family. 

This fall, I have so much to be thankful for.  My heart is filled with gratitude for God's grace to me and my family. 

Enjoy your Fall!
Bethany