This year, we're mostly ignoring the holiday season. If you know me, then you know that this is one of my favorite times of year. I'm one of those people who likes to blend the Thanksgiving and Christmas seasons by putting my tree up early and listening to Christmas music in November. There's not much I enjoy any better than having a nice, holiday scented candle burning, drinking hot chocolate, and planning family get-togethers. This year, I'm just not feeling too festive, and so there are no decorations or plans to put any up at the Hoskins' home, and today on Thanksgiving, my family members are scattered about rather than under one roof as I would like.
However, despite my lack of keeping up with traditions, I still have so much to be thankful for today! A lot has changed in one year; this time last year we only recently found out we had another baby on the way. Now, we have a beautiful, healthy baby girl who I just love to pieces! Last year, Avery's diagnosis and prognosis was completely different. And even though it was a tough year getting to this point, he now has new bone marrow that is starting to graft. I'm especially grateful to the young man who shared part of his healthy cells with Avery.
I've always been thankful for my husband, but each year seems to bring out something different in him that I appreciate. I feel like we have been through so much over the last few years and that our relationship has been put to the test! He has been a rock amidst chaos. Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with Phillip Douglas Hoskins!
I've been blessed with many material things, which in light of what has been going on in our life, I have realized mean so much less than I once thought. But I'm so glad that we have such a nice home...nothing fancy, but cozy and filled with love. We have plenty of food, my husband has a good, stable job, which means a lot in this economy! I'm even thankful for my not-so-cool minivan, but it is oh-so-practical and dependable! :)
I sat down a few days ago to write a thank you card to the young man who shared his healthy cells with Avery, and once I wrote "Dear Bone Marrow Donor," I was at a complete loss for words. Because of privacy laws, we're not allowed to know his name or location, and in my thank you card, I wasn't allowed to share any personal details that might compromise our or his anonymity. But I just kept thinking that simply saying, "thank you" for such a selfless, life-changing gift seemed so insignificant. I tried to express our gratitude to the young man as best as I could, but as I closed my note, I still felt like I had fallen so short. Then I started thinking about Jesus and the sacrifice He made for a fallen world full of sinful people who he didn't even know. He didn't just give his bone marrow; He gave his life. Saying "thank you" for that sacrifice seems insignificant as well, but I don't want to ever fail to try to let him know how thankful I am for the sacrifice He made and the gift of eternal life!
Happy Thanksgiving, Friends!
Bethany
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Day 13 and Counting
I know that some of you read my blog solely to follow Avery's progress and might be eager for an update. One would think that because I'm sitting in a hospital day after day that I'd have nothing but time to blog. Unfortunately, Avery has been VERY high maintenance lately, leaving very little time for blogging. The good news is things are looking up...at least I think so.
The last week has been difficult to say the least. Avery has been sick and in serious pain. It makes it hard that Avery doesn't talk and can't tell us exactly how he feels. It's really been a trial and error process to try to get him comfortable. His mouth and entire GI tract has been inflamed, so he went an entire week without taking anything by mouth. So, he's been getting tube feeds, but whenever they increase the rate of feeds, Avery gets more nauseated. He's had a few days of vomiting along the way, a couple of fevers, some seriously high blood pressures and heart rates that are just indicative of pain. He has rolled the bed literally moaning in pain for days. Or, possibly even more pitiful has been him sitting in his crib, rocking back and forth with his eyes shut moaning. The doctors have increased his morphine rate in his pain pump multiple times and tried other meds (nubane, ativan, dilaudid, phenergen, etc.) in addition to the other ten or twelve scheduled meds he's currently getting, but nothing seemed to really work.
Pretty much, the last week we have lived in the recliner. Avery has been a little more contented when he is being rocked, so Phillip and I have rocked him until our arms went numb. It has been mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. I have just had to lean on God for strength as well as my husband and family.
The bright spots have been that Avery's blood counts have been showing signs of engraftment, so they drew an engraftment study Tuesday. We should know in a couple of days whether or not the donor cells are working or not in a couple more days. The other positive is that Avery has been hinting at a smile a time or two in the last two days, and he ate 3 bites of applesauce yesterday.
I don't want to sound all gloom and doom; I'm so thankful that it appears Avery's cells are beginning to work. Avery's experience has been pretty normal...awful, but normal.
Our friends and family members have been so great through all of this! Everyday we get a phone call, text, or message of some sort letting us know that we're not forgotten and that we're being upheld in prayer. We've had so many people reach out in other ways to take off the extra financial stress of this time. Truly, our finances aren't our priority right now, but it is awesome to not be so worried about the toll Phillip's unpaid FMLA time is taking on our wallet. Saying "thank you" just doesn't seem enough.
Bethany
The last week has been difficult to say the least. Avery has been sick and in serious pain. It makes it hard that Avery doesn't talk and can't tell us exactly how he feels. It's really been a trial and error process to try to get him comfortable. His mouth and entire GI tract has been inflamed, so he went an entire week without taking anything by mouth. So, he's been getting tube feeds, but whenever they increase the rate of feeds, Avery gets more nauseated. He's had a few days of vomiting along the way, a couple of fevers, some seriously high blood pressures and heart rates that are just indicative of pain. He has rolled the bed literally moaning in pain for days. Or, possibly even more pitiful has been him sitting in his crib, rocking back and forth with his eyes shut moaning. The doctors have increased his morphine rate in his pain pump multiple times and tried other meds (nubane, ativan, dilaudid, phenergen, etc.) in addition to the other ten or twelve scheduled meds he's currently getting, but nothing seemed to really work.
Pretty much, the last week we have lived in the recliner. Avery has been a little more contented when he is being rocked, so Phillip and I have rocked him until our arms went numb. It has been mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. I have just had to lean on God for strength as well as my husband and family.
The bright spots have been that Avery's blood counts have been showing signs of engraftment, so they drew an engraftment study Tuesday. We should know in a couple of days whether or not the donor cells are working or not in a couple more days. The other positive is that Avery has been hinting at a smile a time or two in the last two days, and he ate 3 bites of applesauce yesterday.
I don't want to sound all gloom and doom; I'm so thankful that it appears Avery's cells are beginning to work. Avery's experience has been pretty normal...awful, but normal.
Our friends and family members have been so great through all of this! Everyday we get a phone call, text, or message of some sort letting us know that we're not forgotten and that we're being upheld in prayer. We've had so many people reach out in other ways to take off the extra financial stress of this time. Truly, our finances aren't our priority right now, but it is awesome to not be so worried about the toll Phillip's unpaid FMLA time is taking on our wallet. Saying "thank you" just doesn't seem enough.
Bethany
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
The Sad Days
Avery has now entered "the sad days" as the doctors refer to them. That would be day +6 through +12, give or take a few. There's not a lot to say about it except that it's heartbreaking to watch your child suffer day after day.
He has mucousitis, which is sores and inflammation in his mouth all the way through his GI tract. Avery is refusing to eat, because to do so is painful. He also isn't swallowing much at all, which means that all the saliva and mucous builds up in his mouth and throat, and he's had some pretty bad choking episodes and some low oxygen levels that have required a little bit of direct oxygen. They have started him on continuous tube feeds and extra fluids to compensate for the fact that he's not eating, and today at rounds, are going to discuss putting him on a pain pump. He's been getting morphine as needed, but Avery doesn't really express pain, so it's hard to tell sometimes if he's having pain until he's in a lot of pain. A pain pump would be a little simpler and consistent.
He did have a fever night before last, which the doctors said is normal. His body and the new cells are in a battle right now. I'm just hoping and praying everyday that the cells win the battle and start to graft....quickly!
The only thing keeping me sane right now is knowing that this is all part of the process, and it WILL pass. I'm struggling a little with juggling my 3 kids; I need a clone of myself! One thing I must say is that I'm married to an AMAZING guy. I can't imagine any man being more supportive and there for his family. He's on FMLA right now, and so he's been staying every night for the last week so that I can stay home with Bryson and Em. I've been making day trips this week. Tuesday, I brought Emerson with me, and while I spent the day with Avery, Phillip and Emerson had a father-daughter day in the Ronald McDonald House. Yesterday, I took Bryson out of school and took him with me, and he and Phillip had a fun day together. The Bengals' wives did pizza for lunch, and then Bryson played in the game rooms, and I think wore his daddy out!
Thank you so much for your prayers!! We need them more than ever.
Bethany
He has mucousitis, which is sores and inflammation in his mouth all the way through his GI tract. Avery is refusing to eat, because to do so is painful. He also isn't swallowing much at all, which means that all the saliva and mucous builds up in his mouth and throat, and he's had some pretty bad choking episodes and some low oxygen levels that have required a little bit of direct oxygen. They have started him on continuous tube feeds and extra fluids to compensate for the fact that he's not eating, and today at rounds, are going to discuss putting him on a pain pump. He's been getting morphine as needed, but Avery doesn't really express pain, so it's hard to tell sometimes if he's having pain until he's in a lot of pain. A pain pump would be a little simpler and consistent.
He did have a fever night before last, which the doctors said is normal. His body and the new cells are in a battle right now. I'm just hoping and praying everyday that the cells win the battle and start to graft....quickly!
The only thing keeping me sane right now is knowing that this is all part of the process, and it WILL pass. I'm struggling a little with juggling my 3 kids; I need a clone of myself! One thing I must say is that I'm married to an AMAZING guy. I can't imagine any man being more supportive and there for his family. He's on FMLA right now, and so he's been staying every night for the last week so that I can stay home with Bryson and Em. I've been making day trips this week. Tuesday, I brought Emerson with me, and while I spent the day with Avery, Phillip and Emerson had a father-daughter day in the Ronald McDonald House. Yesterday, I took Bryson out of school and took him with me, and he and Phillip had a fun day together. The Bengals' wives did pizza for lunch, and then Bryson played in the game rooms, and I think wore his daddy out!
Thank you so much for your prayers!! We need them more than ever.
Bethany
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Transplant
It's official! Avery now has new bone marrow...or at least the start of it! His new stem cells arrived around 10:30 pm to Cincinnati Children's Hospital, and he finished receiving them around 2:00 am. The doctors warned us that many families find the actual transplant uneventful, because the cell product itself doesn't look that much different from packed red blood cells, and there is no immediate result. However, I would describe the transplant as many things, but uneventful is not one of them!
After my initial post yesterday, the day progressed well. Avery was in a good mood, and although still refusing to eat, he seemed to be feeling good. The schedule for the arrival of the new cells was initially 9:30 to 10:30, and then the transporters called and said between 8 and 9. I was pretty excited all day yesterday just thinking about those cells making their way slowly to us. It's been a long journey for us, and this was definitely a climactic turning point.
Around 4:00, Avery's infusion pump started beeping, which isn't really anything that unusual. I called the nurse in, and she couldn't find the problem. She checked for kinks and changed his central line end cap but still no luck. Around 5:00, she called for the vascular team, which maintains the patient lines. They said there was a blood clot in the line, so they needed to put a clot busting medicine called tpa in the line. The line was refusing to budge, so it took about 45 minutes for them to even get 1 ml of tpa in it. I'll tell you right now, this mama's blood pressure was rising! He still had another line that was functioning, but his white line (which is the one that was clotted) is used for one of his immune suppressant drugs that can't be administered in his other line otherwise it would contaminate it for other meds and blood draws. I guess worse case scenario, they could have started a peripheral IV, but Avery has bad veins, and we were coming close to the arrival time of his new cells. I asked as many people to pray as I could. After two hours of the tpa sitting in the line, it flushed beautifully, and I felt such relief! I'm thankful that God is ALWAYS there to turn to regardless of how big or small our problem is!
After the line issue was resolved, I felt a little better, but then we were told that the cells were running late. I had been pensive all day just thinking about the what the donor must be going through and those amazing, life-giving cells that were coming our way. It may sound silly, but I was praying for their safety and that NO unexpected harm would come to them. Finally, around 10 we got the call that they were in the city, and the nurses came in and premedicated Avery. I felt the biggest thrill when I saw the group of nurses and doctor walk to our door holding a bag of bone marrow intended for Avery Weston Hoskins, birthday 4/14/08. This is what we had been hoping, praying, dreading, and anticipating for months, even years now!
The bag didn't look that much different from blood; it was a little lighter colored since many of the red cells had been removed. The nurses started the verification process of reading and re-reading numbers and getting the lines ready to be placed in the bag. Wouldn't you know that Avery got a defective bag?? Yeah, my heart dropped to my toes again as the nurse pulled back the two pieces of plastic that should have given her access to a small port to hook up to the line, but instead, the plastic pieces broke off and the port stayed sealed. It took a couple minutes of trying and brainstorming before they got sterile scissors and were able to open it.
All hooked up and ready to go, the bag was hung and Avery sat in his bed staring at us like, "What's all the fuss?" As I watched the stem cells drip into Avery's central line and make their way into his body, I just felt so amazed that this was going to give Avery a new chance at life. It was quite surreal! The nurses did vitals every 15 minutes throughout the 2 1/2 hour infusion, and then for an hour afterward, then 30 minutes for a couple hours, then hourly for 5 more hours. The donor, although a 7/8 match for antigens was a different blood type, so there was a greater chance he would have a reaction. However, besides a few high blood pressures, his vitals were great. Avery was born type A blood, but now he will be B like his donor.
This morning, as expected, Avery's ANC (Absolute neutrophil count which has to do with white cells that fight infection) was essentially zero. The chemo has been killing whatever existing cells Avery had, and the new cells finished depleting what would have been there. His other counts were good. We've been told that they will all drop while the new cells are engrafting. That may take anywhere from one week to several weeks depending on how long the new cells and Avery's body fight each other. The new cells will recognize they're in the wrong body and attack it (graft vs. host), and Avery's immune system, although suppressed, may put up a fight. This will all determine his symptoms over the next few weeks, but hopefully, slowly but surely, Avery's counts will begin to climb a little at a time as the new donor cells begin to work as his own.
I know we have a long road ahead of us. It will take months before Avery is free from transfusions, and he will continue to be on immune suppresants and other drugs, even when he comes home to keep his body from rejecting his new marrow. But I am so hopeful of what is to come! I am so grateful to the young man who selflessly donated his bone marrow to my child who he didn't even know. And I am so thankful that God has brought us this far!
Please continue to pray that Avery will be able to endure the symptoms of the chemo and grafting process over the next weeks.
Bethany
After my initial post yesterday, the day progressed well. Avery was in a good mood, and although still refusing to eat, he seemed to be feeling good. The schedule for the arrival of the new cells was initially 9:30 to 10:30, and then the transporters called and said between 8 and 9. I was pretty excited all day yesterday just thinking about those cells making their way slowly to us. It's been a long journey for us, and this was definitely a climactic turning point.
Around 4:00, Avery's infusion pump started beeping, which isn't really anything that unusual. I called the nurse in, and she couldn't find the problem. She checked for kinks and changed his central line end cap but still no luck. Around 5:00, she called for the vascular team, which maintains the patient lines. They said there was a blood clot in the line, so they needed to put a clot busting medicine called tpa in the line. The line was refusing to budge, so it took about 45 minutes for them to even get 1 ml of tpa in it. I'll tell you right now, this mama's blood pressure was rising! He still had another line that was functioning, but his white line (which is the one that was clotted) is used for one of his immune suppressant drugs that can't be administered in his other line otherwise it would contaminate it for other meds and blood draws. I guess worse case scenario, they could have started a peripheral IV, but Avery has bad veins, and we were coming close to the arrival time of his new cells. I asked as many people to pray as I could. After two hours of the tpa sitting in the line, it flushed beautifully, and I felt such relief! I'm thankful that God is ALWAYS there to turn to regardless of how big or small our problem is!
After the line issue was resolved, I felt a little better, but then we were told that the cells were running late. I had been pensive all day just thinking about the what the donor must be going through and those amazing, life-giving cells that were coming our way. It may sound silly, but I was praying for their safety and that NO unexpected harm would come to them. Finally, around 10 we got the call that they were in the city, and the nurses came in and premedicated Avery. I felt the biggest thrill when I saw the group of nurses and doctor walk to our door holding a bag of bone marrow intended for Avery Weston Hoskins, birthday 4/14/08. This is what we had been hoping, praying, dreading, and anticipating for months, even years now!
The bag didn't look that much different from blood; it was a little lighter colored since many of the red cells had been removed. The nurses started the verification process of reading and re-reading numbers and getting the lines ready to be placed in the bag. Wouldn't you know that Avery got a defective bag?? Yeah, my heart dropped to my toes again as the nurse pulled back the two pieces of plastic that should have given her access to a small port to hook up to the line, but instead, the plastic pieces broke off and the port stayed sealed. It took a couple minutes of trying and brainstorming before they got sterile scissors and were able to open it.
All hooked up and ready to go, the bag was hung and Avery sat in his bed staring at us like, "What's all the fuss?" As I watched the stem cells drip into Avery's central line and make their way into his body, I just felt so amazed that this was going to give Avery a new chance at life. It was quite surreal! The nurses did vitals every 15 minutes throughout the 2 1/2 hour infusion, and then for an hour afterward, then 30 minutes for a couple hours, then hourly for 5 more hours. The donor, although a 7/8 match for antigens was a different blood type, so there was a greater chance he would have a reaction. However, besides a few high blood pressures, his vitals were great. Avery was born type A blood, but now he will be B like his donor.
This morning, as expected, Avery's ANC (Absolute neutrophil count which has to do with white cells that fight infection) was essentially zero. The chemo has been killing whatever existing cells Avery had, and the new cells finished depleting what would have been there. His other counts were good. We've been told that they will all drop while the new cells are engrafting. That may take anywhere from one week to several weeks depending on how long the new cells and Avery's body fight each other. The new cells will recognize they're in the wrong body and attack it (graft vs. host), and Avery's immune system, although suppressed, may put up a fight. This will all determine his symptoms over the next few weeks, but hopefully, slowly but surely, Avery's counts will begin to climb a little at a time as the new donor cells begin to work as his own.
I know we have a long road ahead of us. It will take months before Avery is free from transfusions, and he will continue to be on immune suppresants and other drugs, even when he comes home to keep his body from rejecting his new marrow. But I am so hopeful of what is to come! I am so grateful to the young man who selflessly donated his bone marrow to my child who he didn't even know. And I am so thankful that God has brought us this far!
Please continue to pray that Avery will be able to endure the symptoms of the chemo and grafting process over the next weeks.
Bethany
Friday, October 28, 2011
Day 0: Cell-ebration Day!!
Well, today is the big day! Actually, we've been told that transplant day, aka new cell day, is sometimes disappointing to families because it's seems uneventful. The actual process of receiving new stem cells isn't much different from receiving a blood transfusion. Plus, there is no immediate result. Usually, blood counts get worse before they engraft and start producing their own cells. But, I'm pretty excited about it.
At least I was until support group yesterday. The BMT unit has a weekly support group for the families here to meet in the parent lounge, enjoy some pizza, and talk about how things are going if you want. I didn't go last week, but yesterday the social worker reminded me of it, and I thought, "Why not?" I was ready for a break. We all introduced ourselves and shared why we're here briefly, and then parents started talking. I caught myself breaking down multiple times because there were some parents whose tears were just flowing as they talked, and I felt so bad for them. Plus I could relate to many of the feelings being expressed. But the more I heard from some of them increased my anxiety level. I love details and information, but sometimes ignorance really is bliss. A couple moms talked about the mucousitis that their kids were experiencing, which is basically sores and inflammation throughout the mouth and GI tract from the chemo. One lady said her 17 year old son is on 2 pain pumps, and he's day +9 post transplant. It made me worry because Avery has some beginning mucousitis, and he has no way of expressing how uncomfortable he is. He's not eating much, so it must be bothering him, but he complains so little that I wouldn't know if he needed pain meds or not. It is expected to only get worse over the next few weeks. Then a couple started talking about their 10 month old who is Day +30 post transplant and how they had a child die in 09 from the same genetic condition their son has. I heard about a child whose new cells never engrafted and he passed a couple months ago. It was so heart breaking! I have been focusing on the positive and not even considering the "what if it doesn't work" option, but yesterday made that option more of a reality. So, I'm not sure if I'll be frequenting the support group in the near future.
Avery was up until 1:30 again last night. His sleep schedule continues to get more and more messed up. It's hard for me to be annoyed with him when he's so happy about it, though. It has made for one exhausted mama, though. The late nights, countless interruptions throughout the nights, and stressful days are taking their toll.
They're going to be starting Avery on extra fluids today because they want him to be well hydrated when the new cells arrive. The stem cells are being harvested this morning from the donor, processed, and then transported to Cincinnati. They are expected to arrive here around 9:30, and Avery will be given them immediately while they're "fresh." The length of the infusion will depend upon the volume they're able to harvest and send. It will be adjusted for Avery's age/weight, and then they will be put through his central line over a series of several hours with vitals every 15 minutes to monitor his reaction. He will also be premedicated with benedryl and tylenol.
I have had a few worried moments last night and this morning. What if the donor backs out at the last minute or something would happen to the cells during transport?? I know, the chances are minuscule, but those thoughts have crossed my mind.
I will try to update with more details later. Thanks everyone for your prayers today!
Eagerly waiting in Cincy,
Bethany
At least I was until support group yesterday. The BMT unit has a weekly support group for the families here to meet in the parent lounge, enjoy some pizza, and talk about how things are going if you want. I didn't go last week, but yesterday the social worker reminded me of it, and I thought, "Why not?" I was ready for a break. We all introduced ourselves and shared why we're here briefly, and then parents started talking. I caught myself breaking down multiple times because there were some parents whose tears were just flowing as they talked, and I felt so bad for them. Plus I could relate to many of the feelings being expressed. But the more I heard from some of them increased my anxiety level. I love details and information, but sometimes ignorance really is bliss. A couple moms talked about the mucousitis that their kids were experiencing, which is basically sores and inflammation throughout the mouth and GI tract from the chemo. One lady said her 17 year old son is on 2 pain pumps, and he's day +9 post transplant. It made me worry because Avery has some beginning mucousitis, and he has no way of expressing how uncomfortable he is. He's not eating much, so it must be bothering him, but he complains so little that I wouldn't know if he needed pain meds or not. It is expected to only get worse over the next few weeks. Then a couple started talking about their 10 month old who is Day +30 post transplant and how they had a child die in 09 from the same genetic condition their son has. I heard about a child whose new cells never engrafted and he passed a couple months ago. It was so heart breaking! I have been focusing on the positive and not even considering the "what if it doesn't work" option, but yesterday made that option more of a reality. So, I'm not sure if I'll be frequenting the support group in the near future.
Avery was up until 1:30 again last night. His sleep schedule continues to get more and more messed up. It's hard for me to be annoyed with him when he's so happy about it, though. It has made for one exhausted mama, though. The late nights, countless interruptions throughout the nights, and stressful days are taking their toll.
They're going to be starting Avery on extra fluids today because they want him to be well hydrated when the new cells arrive. The stem cells are being harvested this morning from the donor, processed, and then transported to Cincinnati. They are expected to arrive here around 9:30, and Avery will be given them immediately while they're "fresh." The length of the infusion will depend upon the volume they're able to harvest and send. It will be adjusted for Avery's age/weight, and then they will be put through his central line over a series of several hours with vitals every 15 minutes to monitor his reaction. He will also be premedicated with benedryl and tylenol.
I have had a few worried moments last night and this morning. What if the donor backs out at the last minute or something would happen to the cells during transport?? I know, the chances are minuscule, but those thoughts have crossed my mind.
I will try to update with more details later. Thanks everyone for your prayers today!
Eagerly waiting in Cincy,
Bethany
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
My Mini-Meltdown
Here I am at the hospital, past my bedtime, but I just have too much on my mind. Tonight while I was rocking Avery, my mind started wandering to my other two kids, and I just got overwhelmed with missing them. I think I've been doing pretty well with it all, but right now I'm struggling just a bit.
My mom told me yesterday that Emerson was rolling from side to side, and it looked like she might try to roll completely over. Then she put the phone down to her and let me talk to her. She was just cooing and making those adorable baby noises! As soon as I hung up, I started to cry thinking about what all I'm missing with her. Mom is going to try some baby food with her today. Oh how I wish I could be there!
And my biggest baby, Bryson, has had a few tears this week, and I wasn't there for him. I've not even talked to him on the phone because I'm afraid that would only make things worse for him. Today is pajama day at school for Bryson, and Sarah sent me a picture of him in his Thomas Train pjs, with a big, excited grin on his face to wear them to school. He might be 5, but he's still my baby, and he makes me laugh so much!
If you actually made it this far through my post, I'm sorry that I have nothing inspiring to say right now and that I'm complaining. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, but at the moment all I can think about is the distance between me and my other kids and how badly I just want to be with them. And I can't even let myself think too far into the future! We're only 2 weeks into this; there's a LONG road ahead of us.
Bethany
My mom told me yesterday that Emerson was rolling from side to side, and it looked like she might try to roll completely over. Then she put the phone down to her and let me talk to her. She was just cooing and making those adorable baby noises! As soon as I hung up, I started to cry thinking about what all I'm missing with her. Mom is going to try some baby food with her today. Oh how I wish I could be there!
And my biggest baby, Bryson, has had a few tears this week, and I wasn't there for him. I've not even talked to him on the phone because I'm afraid that would only make things worse for him. Today is pajama day at school for Bryson, and Sarah sent me a picture of him in his Thomas Train pjs, with a big, excited grin on his face to wear them to school. He might be 5, but he's still my baby, and he makes me laugh so much!
If you actually made it this far through my post, I'm sorry that I have nothing inspiring to say right now and that I'm complaining. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, but at the moment all I can think about is the distance between me and my other kids and how badly I just want to be with them. And I can't even let myself think too far into the future! We're only 2 weeks into this; there's a LONG road ahead of us.
Bethany
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)