Happy Anniversary!

There was a time in my life when I looked at couples who had been married 10 years, and thought, "Wow, that's a looong time!"  Now here I am, celebrating my own ten year anniversary with Phillip Hoskins.  It's kind of funny to think about, actually.  If you know us then you also know that there may not be a more unlikely matched couple.  Phillip is a free-spirit who thrives on new experiences, meeting new people, and expressing himself.  I am much more structured (some might say "rigid"), I enjoy normalcy, simplicity, and I'm kind of awkward in social situations.  Despite our differences, I'm blessed beyond words with a happy marriage!

I think that this decade anniversary is worthy of spending some time reflecting over our marriage, so I'd like to share a bit of our story and of course brag a little on my husband!  Most folks know him as the funny guy who seems to always have something surprising to say.  Yes, he certainly is that guy, but there's so much more.

When I was a young girl, my mom gave my sisters and I some great advice about falling in love.  She would say, "Find someone you can love with your head AND your heart!"  As a 12, 13, and 14 year-old girl, that didn't make a lot of sense to me.  Boys were a mystery, and crushes came and went like the weather.  So I started making it a matter of prayer.  I remember getting down and praying often for my future companion, that God would protect him, help him make wise choices, and bring us together when the time was right.  I prayed that God would give us a special love for each other because even as a kid I had seen some marriages that were loving while others seemed a little, well, miserable.

Fast forward several years later and through a couple of non-serious relationships, and enter Phillip Douglas Hoskins.  He was a friend who was older than me, and I had never considered anything more than friendship with him.  I remember when I was 19 years old and riding in his truck on our way to Alabama for a wedding, following my parents, when he said, "Have you ever thought about us?"  I hadn't.  He continued to ask me how I would feel about going on a date with him.  Me being the awkward, commitment-shy girl I was, told him I would think about it and pray about it.  That's real catchy, right??  And I did.  One week past, then another, then another.  Phillip never asked me what my answer was; he just waited patiently and kept being friendly.  Then about a month later, we were out of state at a campmeeting, and he and a large group of young people were going to go out to eat together.  A guy that had talked to me some earlier came over and asked if I was going to eat, and then said, "Before you leave the restaurant, I want to get your number."  I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.  I got really nervous though, and when I got into Phillip's truck to ride to the restaurant, I did the only thing I knew to do.  I blurted out that another guy had asked me for my number.  Again, real classy, I know.  He surprised me more than he'll ever know with his response.  He calmly said, "He seems nice. Are you going to give it to him."  I told him I wasn't sure.  Then he told me to do whatever made ME happy because that's what he really wanted.  I was blown away by his complete lack of pressure.  Needless to say, I told the other young man that I didn't feel comfortable giving him my number when I was considering dating someone else, and almost a month later, I finally agreed to that date.

It only took a few months for Phillip to say the "L" word;  not me!  I waited almost nine months after he had told me to say what I had finally realized was true -- that I had fallen in love with him as well.  All those months he waited to hear me say it, he didn't pressure me or ask me about it, but when I finally said it, he did get a little misty eyed, although he'll probably NEVER admit it!

So many people warned me how hard marriage is.  What I have found over the last ten years though is that marriage isn't so hard -- life is, and if your marriage isn't built on God and filled with respect and love for one another, I guess it can be hard too.  But I am thankful to say that in our decade of marriage, Phillip has never laid his hands on me in anger, never called me a name, never told me to shut-up or said something otherwise degrading.  Yes, we have had our differences, but we have worked through them and loved through them, and we have come out stronger.

Over the last ten years we have encountered pretty much every obstacle one can imagine.  I started grad school the month after our wedding, and then began my new career as a teacher.  Phillip worked hard, crazy shifts, got laid off, went to nursing school, and started his new career.  We built a house, remodeled three others, experienced a difficult pregnancy, had a child with special needs and serious health issues, had a door that we felt like God had opened for us seemingly slammed shut, watched his mother battle cancer and then watched her lose that battle.  Through each of these hard times, we have clung to God and each other, and I have been so proud of my husband.  I watched him walk in with his shoulders slumped to tell his pregnant wife he had been laid off, and then I watched him square those shoulders and make a way to provide for his family.  When we were told our little Avery may be born with birth defects so severe that he might not survive birth, I watched him almost run from the waiting room, put his head down on the steering wheel and cry, and then gain his composure and tell me, we can do this and we're going to be okay!  I watched him as he was told his mom would be passing shortly cry with a broken heart, and then spend her last days by her side caring for her and letting her know she wasn't alone.  When he had the opportunity to become bitter by the choices people made that simply broke our hearts, instead, he grew stronger from it.

Does it sound like I'm a little proud of him?  Yes, I am.  Proud and blessed and thankful!  The past 8 months have proven to be our most challenging trial yet, but Phillip was there every step of the way.  Our children adore him and will one day realize how blessed they are as well to have such a great father.

Happy anniversary, Phillip!  I love you with all of my heart!

Bethany