Overwhelmed

"When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to that rock that is higher than I." Psalm 61:2

Words are failing me, and I'm simply praying for strength and still a miracle. Yesterday, my mother-in-law had to have emergency surgery. The news afterward wasn't good; the doctor said he has done everything that he can. Then he said she has a week, maybe two. We knew this day was coming, but didn't think it would be here so soon. Of course, I told Phillip, if we had five or ten more years, we still wouldn't be prepared to say good-bye. But it just seems so cruel to see someone with so much life left ahead of her, who has suffered unimaginable pain over the last years just to spend another day with her kids and grandkids, slowly lose her battle. God, please intervene.

The hardest part of all was watching her husband tell her. Weak and groggy from surgery, she looked at him and said, "Is it time?" He said, "Yeah, it's time." A look of horror crossed her face as she began to moan, "No, I don't want to die. It's not supposed to end this way. Please, don't let them take me. I don't want to die." What in the world can you say or do in response to that?

Today her frame of mind is better; the fight is back a little bit. She was moved to Hospice this afternoon for pain control for a few days, and then Monday will be going home. Our family is certainly going to have to lean on God for strength. When I think about the future much, I get overwhelmed. Over the past 8 years, I've grown to love Carolyn like a mother, and I hate to see her going through this and the thought of losing her is overwhelming. I also hate to watch my father-in-law and Phillip and Jenny try to be strong when their hearts are broken. She is now so close to Heaven; I hope the Lord just gives her special strength and grace between now and then.