There was a time in my life when I looked at couples who had been married 10 years, and thought, "Wow, that's a looong time!" Now here I am, celebrating my own ten year anniversary with Phillip Hoskins. It's kind of funny to think about, actually. If you know us then you also know that there may not be a more unlikely matched couple. Phillip is a free-spirit who thrives on new experiences, meeting new people, and expressing himself. I am much more structured (some might say "rigid"), I enjoy normalcy, simplicity, and I'm kind of awkward in social situations. Despite our differences, I'm blessed beyond words with a happy marriage!
I think that this decade anniversary is worthy of spending some time reflecting over our marriage, so I'd like to share a bit of our story and of course brag a little on my husband! Most folks know him as the funny guy who seems to always have something surprising to say. Yes, he certainly is that guy, but there's so much more.
When I was a young girl, my mom gave my sisters and I some great advice about falling in love. She would say, "Find someone you can love with your head AND your heart!" As a 12, 13, and 14 year-old girl, that didn't make a lot of sense to me. Boys were a mystery, and crushes came and went like the weather. So I started making it a matter of prayer. I remember getting down and praying often for my future companion, that God would protect him, help him make wise choices, and bring us together when the time was right. I prayed that God would give us a special love for each other because even as a kid I had seen some marriages that were loving while others seemed a little, well, miserable.
Fast forward several years later and through a couple of non-serious relationships, and enter Phillip Douglas Hoskins. He was a friend who was older than me, and I had never considered anything more than friendship with him. I remember when I was 19 years old and riding in his truck on our way to Alabama for a wedding, following my parents, when he said, "Have you ever thought about us?" I hadn't. He continued to ask me how I would feel about going on a date with him. Me being the awkward, commitment-shy girl I was, told him I would think about it and pray about it. That's real catchy, right?? And I did. One week past, then another, then another. Phillip never asked me what my answer was; he just waited patiently and kept being friendly. Then about a month later, we were out of state at a campmeeting, and he and a large group of young people were going to go out to eat together. A guy that had talked to me some earlier came over and asked if I was going to eat, and then said, "Before you leave the restaurant, I want to get your number." I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. I got really nervous though, and when I got into Phillip's truck to ride to the restaurant, I did the only thing I knew to do. I blurted out that another guy had asked me for my number. Again, real classy, I know. He surprised me more than he'll ever know with his response. He calmly said, "He seems nice. Are you going to give it to him." I told him I wasn't sure. Then he told me to do whatever made ME happy because that's what he really wanted. I was blown away by his complete lack of pressure. Needless to say, I told the other young man that I didn't feel comfortable giving him my number when I was considering dating someone else, and almost a month later, I finally agreed to that date.
It only took a few months for Phillip to say the "L" word; not me! I waited almost nine months after he had told me to say what I had finally realized was true -- that I had fallen in love with him as well. All those months he waited to hear me say it, he didn't pressure me or ask me about it, but when I finally said it, he did get a little misty eyed, although he'll probably NEVER admit it!
So many people warned me how hard marriage is. What I have found over the last ten years though is that marriage isn't so hard -- life is, and if your marriage isn't built on God and filled with respect and love for one another, I guess it can be hard too. But I am thankful to say that in our decade of marriage, Phillip has never laid his hands on me in anger, never called me a name, never told me to shut-up or said something otherwise degrading. Yes, we have had our differences, but we have worked through them and loved through them, and we have come out stronger.
Over the last ten years we have encountered pretty much every obstacle one can imagine. I started grad school the month after our wedding, and then began my new career as a teacher. Phillip worked hard, crazy shifts, got laid off, went to nursing school, and started his new career. We built a house, remodeled three others, experienced a difficult pregnancy, had a child with special needs and serious health issues, had a door that we felt like God had opened for us seemingly slammed shut, watched his mother battle cancer and then watched her lose that battle. Through each of these hard times, we have clung to God and each other, and I have been so proud of my husband. I watched him walk in with his shoulders slumped to tell his pregnant wife he had been laid off, and then I watched him square those shoulders and make a way to provide for his family. When we were told our little Avery may be born with birth defects so severe that he might not survive birth, I watched him almost run from the waiting room, put his head down on the steering wheel and cry, and then gain his composure and tell me, we can do this and we're going to be okay! I watched him as he was told his mom would be passing shortly cry with a broken heart, and then spend her last days by her side caring for her and letting her know she wasn't alone. When he had the opportunity to become bitter by the choices people made that simply broke our hearts, instead, he grew stronger from it.
Does it sound like I'm a little proud of him? Yes, I am. Proud and blessed and thankful! The past 8 months have proven to be our most challenging trial yet, but Phillip was there every step of the way. Our children adore him and will one day realize how blessed they are as well to have such a great father.
Happy anniversary, Phillip! I love you with all of my heart!
Bethany
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Life is Grand at the Hoskins' House!
The days are just flying by now that my family is all home together! Avery has been home two weeks now, and I am happy to say that he is doing well. His blood counts and virus quants are continuing to look great, and his tube feedings have been increased to their goal with NO vomiting since he has been home!! He is sleeping so much better also. Bryson is thrilled to have his bed buddy back home, and I find them most mornings cuddling or lying nearly on top of one another asleep. Miss Em is on the move constantly, and she and Avery are still figuring one another out. He's a little leery of her; I can't say I blame him, but a few times he has leaned against her, which is his way of giving hugs.
So now that we're back to the real world, this mommy is busy, busy, busy! I had forgotten what it was like to have a mobile little one. With Avery not going through some of the normal phases that babies go through, having Em do so is almost like doing it for the first time again, except now I have a couple other people to watch as well. That girl never stops! And the putting everything in her mouth, and I mean everything...is that normal?? I have laminate wood floors throughout my entire house except for the boys' room and my stairs. Em scavenges my wood floor for the slightest crumb, which shows up much easier on the dark wood, and whether it's thread, fuzz, or who-knows-what, she crams it in her mouth as quickly as she can. When I say her name and start toward her, she turns around as fast as she can and starts crawling with all the speed her little chubby legs can muster. She has discovered that in the bottom of a plastic potted tree I have in my home, there is plastic mulch that she can dig out. That has become a favorite spot of hers. Also, the carpet on my stairs makes potential edibles much more difficult to spot, so she runs her fingers through the carpet until something pops out. Then she grabs it and eats it as well. Her skills are rather impressive, but I have become a pro at digging things out of her mouth or making sure her passy is in place so that she doesn't put anything else in. I also swiffer my wood floors at least 3 or 4 times a day to avoid germs for Avery and temptations for Em and vacuum my bottom two stairs regularly. Bryson pretty much entertains babies all day and gets in and out of his little pool in our back yard. He has become so helpful these days! The keeping up with Avery's tube feeds, meds, diapers for two, plus my incredibly imaginative 5-year-old makes me feel a little like I've been running a marathon by the time my day ends. I'm reacquainting myself with cooking, and have gone from eating fast food constantly, to eating 3 meals a day at home since we really can't go out much. That adds to the activity and the messes, but I wouldn't trade it for the world!!
We started home therapies last week with Avery, so now he will be receiving Speech/Feeding therapy, OT, and PT through home care. One of the down sides to his long-term illness is that he lost some of his skills and muscle tone that we had worked so hard the previous years to develop. It's quite depressing when I start thinking about it, but I just try to stay positive. He no longer wants to stand and only does so for short periods of time with LOTS of support when he is forced. It's probably a result of the spinal fractures, ankle stress from the osteoporosis and weight gain, and just muscle atrophy from spending so much time lying in bed. He also, of course, no longer eats; thus, the g-tube. I'm really hoping and praying that we can see Avery start to regain some of his mobility that he was starting to achieve prior to transplant. We couldn't keep him in one place without him rolling or reaching. Now he just wants to sit indian-syle all day, and would be content to if we'd let him!
Nothing I've written today comes from a complaining heart. In fact, I'm so thankful that I can write about something besides sitting in a hospital room watching Avery receive treatments. Every morning I wake up trying to get a head start on mixing feeds and meds before the kiddos get up and every night I fall into bed exhausted beside my amazing husband, I am filled with gratitude for the busy normalcy of my day.
And with that, I really must go. My kids have slept later than usual this morning, but I have a therapist coming in a few minutes, and I'm going to have to wake Avery up for therapy. Oh joy! He's really gonna be grumpy!
~Bethany
So now that we're back to the real world, this mommy is busy, busy, busy! I had forgotten what it was like to have a mobile little one. With Avery not going through some of the normal phases that babies go through, having Em do so is almost like doing it for the first time again, except now I have a couple other people to watch as well. That girl never stops! And the putting everything in her mouth, and I mean everything...is that normal?? I have laminate wood floors throughout my entire house except for the boys' room and my stairs. Em scavenges my wood floor for the slightest crumb, which shows up much easier on the dark wood, and whether it's thread, fuzz, or who-knows-what, she crams it in her mouth as quickly as she can. When I say her name and start toward her, she turns around as fast as she can and starts crawling with all the speed her little chubby legs can muster. She has discovered that in the bottom of a plastic potted tree I have in my home, there is plastic mulch that she can dig out. That has become a favorite spot of hers. Also, the carpet on my stairs makes potential edibles much more difficult to spot, so she runs her fingers through the carpet until something pops out. Then she grabs it and eats it as well. Her skills are rather impressive, but I have become a pro at digging things out of her mouth or making sure her passy is in place so that she doesn't put anything else in. I also swiffer my wood floors at least 3 or 4 times a day to avoid germs for Avery and temptations for Em and vacuum my bottom two stairs regularly. Bryson pretty much entertains babies all day and gets in and out of his little pool in our back yard. He has become so helpful these days! The keeping up with Avery's tube feeds, meds, diapers for two, plus my incredibly imaginative 5-year-old makes me feel a little like I've been running a marathon by the time my day ends. I'm reacquainting myself with cooking, and have gone from eating fast food constantly, to eating 3 meals a day at home since we really can't go out much. That adds to the activity and the messes, but I wouldn't trade it for the world!!
We started home therapies last week with Avery, so now he will be receiving Speech/Feeding therapy, OT, and PT through home care. One of the down sides to his long-term illness is that he lost some of his skills and muscle tone that we had worked so hard the previous years to develop. It's quite depressing when I start thinking about it, but I just try to stay positive. He no longer wants to stand and only does so for short periods of time with LOTS of support when he is forced. It's probably a result of the spinal fractures, ankle stress from the osteoporosis and weight gain, and just muscle atrophy from spending so much time lying in bed. He also, of course, no longer eats; thus, the g-tube. I'm really hoping and praying that we can see Avery start to regain some of his mobility that he was starting to achieve prior to transplant. We couldn't keep him in one place without him rolling or reaching. Now he just wants to sit indian-syle all day, and would be content to if we'd let him!
Nothing I've written today comes from a complaining heart. In fact, I'm so thankful that I can write about something besides sitting in a hospital room watching Avery receive treatments. Every morning I wake up trying to get a head start on mixing feeds and meds before the kiddos get up and every night I fall into bed exhausted beside my amazing husband, I am filled with gratitude for the busy normalcy of my day.
And with that, I really must go. My kids have slept later than usual this morning, but I have a therapist coming in a few minutes, and I'm going to have to wake Avery up for therapy. Oh joy! He's really gonna be grumpy!
~Bethany
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| Working on his standing! |
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| My 3 rascals. Yes, I have my hands full! :-) |
Monday, June 11, 2012
Thank you, Jesus; Avery is home! The anticipation mixed with all the preparations and nervousness felt almost like I was bringing a new baby home from the hospital. He came home to a "Welcome Home" sign in the front yard and balloons, thanks to my mom, and a house as germ free as I could make it. He laughed as Phillip unbuckled him, and kind of looked at us like "What's all the fuss about?".
I was worried that the transition would be a difficult one, but it has gone surprisingly smoothly. One of the biggest challenges has been to keep him on some sort of sleep schedule since he was all mixed up in Cincinnati. He also isn't so sure he likes his baby sister. She climbs on him and invades his personal space, which he doesn't like. Plus, I don't think he sees her as part of the family yet, and he just doesn't trust her. I think he's warming up to her though.
Phillip and I have been getting reacquainted as well. It has been so great to talk to him face to face, not just via text or phone call. I missed him sooo badly! He has been doing all kinds of little projects around the house and yard. I think 8 months of doing nothing but sit with a sick child has given us both the desire to do something productive.
We're off to see our docs at Dayton tomorrow and catch up on what has been going on since they will be following us now too. Avery will be going to Cincy every Friday, and then we're booked everyday this week for an appointment, so we'll be staying busy.
We're really just looking forward to a simple summer at home and continued improved health for Avery. Thanks to you all who have prayed for this day to come!
-Bethany
I was worried that the transition would be a difficult one, but it has gone surprisingly smoothly. One of the biggest challenges has been to keep him on some sort of sleep schedule since he was all mixed up in Cincinnati. He also isn't so sure he likes his baby sister. She climbs on him and invades his personal space, which he doesn't like. Plus, I don't think he sees her as part of the family yet, and he just doesn't trust her. I think he's warming up to her though.
Phillip and I have been getting reacquainted as well. It has been so great to talk to him face to face, not just via text or phone call. I missed him sooo badly! He has been doing all kinds of little projects around the house and yard. I think 8 months of doing nothing but sit with a sick child has given us both the desire to do something productive.
We're off to see our docs at Dayton tomorrow and catch up on what has been going on since they will be following us now too. Avery will be going to Cincy every Friday, and then we're booked everyday this week for an appointment, so we'll be staying busy.
We're really just looking forward to a simple summer at home and continued improved health for Avery. Thanks to you all who have prayed for this day to come!
-Bethany
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