Our Fun Day

Today was just a good day. Nothing spectacular, and to some, it might have even been boring; but to my little guys and I, it was a much needed fun day.

The boys slept late this morning (10 am), but when they finally woke, we got dressed quickly and left. We started our adventure with McDonald's, Bryson's all-time favorite place to eat. From there we went to Cox Arboretum, which is a local metro park known for it's beautiful gardens and natural scenery. We brought along some old bread to throw in the pond to the fish and turtles. Bryson loved that! He said, "Mommy, they're starving." We walked along the paths, stopping for photos at a few spots, and checked out the butterfly house. Avery just looked on from his stroller and participated in a few picture moments. After about an hour, the heat was getting pretty ridiculous, so we went looking for air-conditioning. We ended up at the mall, where we only spent $.25 cents on a gum ball, but we did browse several stores and spent quite awhile at the play area. By the time we got home it was nap time for Avery, and Bryson was ready for some quiet time himself.

I love it when the boys and I can just enjoy simple things and each other's company. Bryson and I had some fascinating conversations (for a 3-year-old), and Avery just enjoyed the stroller ride.

Here's a few pictures of our outing.

Warning: This post was written by a sleep deprived mom

What is it about bedtime that starts my mind running in a hundred different directions? Or, maybe I'm weird and it's just my OCD getting the best of me. Whatever the case, it makes for a rough night. Some nights, I just make to do lists in my brain or figure our budget or redecorate a room...you get the picture.

Last night my thoughts were more serious. I laid there in the quiet room and started thinking about my precious little boys who were laying there next to me. I started thinking about how we spend our days and nights and wondering if I'm being as good of a mom as I can be - if I'm teaching them about respect, responsibility, and most of all, about loving God. When my boys grow up, what are they going to remember? Sure, they'll remember fun times, but will they remember me as a loving mom, who although far from perfect, was wholly devoted to God and her family? Sometimes I just think it's easy for me to just get through the days. I focus on just getting through Wal-Mart without drawing too much attention to ourselves, or getting us all ready to go somewhere without episode, or just getting through the day with happy, healthy kids. But am I setting aside time for important things? Am I enjoying every minute I have with my children or am I simply surviving it?

I heard a quote one time that said something like, "The way you spend your days is the way you spend your life." It's easy to get stuck in routines and make plans to do something different in the future, and before you know it, the future is here! Bryson is already almost 4 years old. Some might say that his character and behaviors are already being shaped for life. Avery is 2, and he's definitely not a typical two-year-old. Sometimes I worry that with Avery, I've given up on progress. It just takes so much effort and time to do proper exercises, to work with him on skills he having difficulty with, such as drinking from a sippy cup, making/understanding signs/sounds, going from back to sitting by himself. Sometimes these goals seem almost impossible, and I have to say although I go through the motions, my hopes aren't always high. And then come the feelings of guilt - what did I do wrong? what can I do to fix this? And I worry that Bryson has been affected by Avery's special needs. Then comes one of my most troublesome thoughts that keeps me up at night: this isn't how things were supposed to be! Bryson and Avery are 19 months apart; they are supposed to be best friends, playing together, wrestling, fighting, loving each other. And the anxiety continues...

Nobody warned me that even when my kids started sleeping through the night, I might not because I would still be thinking about them! Needless to say, some nights like last night just don't bring a peaceful sleep, and I wake up feeling in need of a caffeine boost to get started. But I'm also going to start my day the way I should start every day, with prayer; but sometimes, admittedly, other things interfere and prayer gets pushed to the side. I'm also going to squeeze my boys a little tighter when they finally decide to get out of bed this morning. I want to make the most of every moment today, and tomorrow, and the next day...

More About Our Summer

These hot, summer days just keep clicking by. Even though I LOVE summer, for some reason, I keep finding myself secretly longing for the quieter days of fall/winter, when it seems not much is going on and the cold weather is a good excuse to just stay home. I know that sounds crazy; it probably just has a lot to do with our unusually busy, chaotic summer so far.

This week has been a pretty good week. The highlight of my week was came on Wednesday, when my sweet husband handed me a note. The note said that he had made reservations for us at the Crowne Plaza for the night, so to pack an overnight bag - we were going away for a much needed break. He knew better than to ask me because I would always have a reason why it wasn't a good idea. So, since my parents and sister were in town and were able to watch our kids for the night, Phillip and I spent the night alone, which is incredibly rare. Even though I missed my kids, it was really great!

Another positive happening has been that Bryson has had two days this week where he was almost perfect. If you know Bryson, then you know that is quite an event! He was calm, listened, and obeyed the first time. He really is a sweet little boy, but sometimes his over-active imagination and difficulty following directions gets him in trouble. I hope that these two days were a sign of some maturity and focus finally developing in him, but that might be unrealistic since he is only 3.

Avery is in day 3 of having a fever. The pediatrician initially diagnosed him with coxackie (spelling?) virus, which is hand-foot-mouth, but then his strep screen came back positive, so he's on antibiotics and I'm attempting to keep his fever down. It seems like every little germ that comes by infects Avery. Poor guy.

Phillip has been working so hard on our new house. We're probably about a week to 10days away from being able to stay there. Of course, it probably won't be completely finished until we're ready to move again, but we'll work on it a little at a time. I'm very excited about getting back into our own space.

My parents left today to head back to AL. after being here for a week. I always feel a little lonely after they go. But we had a lot of fun even though much of our time was spent helping my grandparents get moved into their new house.

One last thing I must include in this post is our experience at Menard's tonight. We were there buying more stuff for our house; Phillip had Avery, and I had Bryson. Bryson has a bad habit of walking away, and he's not very good at following voices. So, I turned my head for a second, and of course, Bryson walked away. I assumed he had gone to the next aisle, so I went there...no Bryson. I walked around in the general area, looking down the aisles and calling his name...still no Bryson. After about 5 minutes of scouring the store, I was starting to get really worried, so I went to the service desk and explained that my son had wondered off. She wanted a description, which I provided. Then she used her headset to page the employees on the floor. Immediately, someone said, "We found him in flooring." With great relief I walked toward flooring and saw my little red-head running toward me. "Mommy, I thought I would never see you again," was the first thing out of his mouth. I picked him up and asked him what he had done. He said, "I couldn't find you, so I found a grown-up with Menard's on her shirt." I told him that was really smart. Unfortunately, he had told the worker that he didn't know his mommy's name. He told me, "Your name is Bethany, but I just call you Mommy."

Catching Up!

No, I didn't fall off of the face of the earth, but it kind of feels like it. I'm a bit ashamed that I've not written in almost a month (Yikes!), but in my defense, my summer so far has been beyond chaotic. The boys and I also just returned last night from a 2 1/2 week visit with my parents in Alabama. If you have read any of my recent posts then you know that we (which really means Phillip) are in a major remodeling project. We have been staying at my sister's house until our new house is ready for us, so the long visit to Alabama was a nice escape for us. While I was away, my husband made some serious progress on our house, including quite a bit of painting, new windows, new hardwood floors, and other odds and ends. We're hoping that in the next two weeks, we'll be able to begin the moving in process. Fingers crossed!

While we were gone, Mom and I spent most of our days running around, shopping and eating out almost every day. Considering how much we shopped, I mostly was window-shopping, but we definitely came home with more than what we left with. It was nice to be away from some of the stress around here, although I wasn't able to escape it completely. It seems like I have a very difficult time keeping my mind from running crazy and overwhelming me with the possibilities, many of which aren't good. However, with Mom's help, I was able to sneak away to my parent's church right next to their house almost everyday for some quiet time with the Lord. That was a blessing, since quiet time of any sort doesn't exist much around here, and my prayer time is often interrupted, rushed, or split up into mini-prayer sessions as I can manage.

When he wasn't running around with us, Bryson spent the days playing in a plastic swimming pool and riding the 4 wheeler with Dad. He thinks Mom and Dad's house is Alabama - not the name of the state - and that the Cedar Creek church sign by their house says, "Alabama." Every time we would get close to their house and catch a glimpse of the church sign, he would say, "There's Alabama, Mommy!" He actually invited a few little kids he met in a store one day to come to Alabama and ride his pappaws big 4 wheeler. One little girl sai, "Silly goose, this is Alabama!"

Avery pretty much did what he does everywhere else. He pretty much goes with the flow. One great thing was that I found him sitting up in his bed one night, which has never happened before or since. I'm not sure how he managed it, but I hope it's a sign of things to come. The feeding situation has been declining, and Mom and I spent countless hours trying to force feed him. He's lost over 2 pounds in the last couple of months and is fighting food more and more. It's so frustrating to have to worry so much about if he's getting enough calories at his age. He also managed to scare me once again by having a seizure on the Friday before we left. This was his first seizure without a fever. We were riding in the car on our way to shop, of course, when Rebecca noticed Avery's face. His eyes were opened but rolled to the side and he was turning grey. I started calling his name and scrambling to get him out of the car seat, but he jerked his arms up and locked them, which made getting him out difficult. While Mom headed for the hospital, I was trying to get his attention and get him to come back to us. After his seizures, he gets really listless and tired, and if he isn't forced to stay somewhat alert, he usually has another one. So, off we went to a hospital where they didn't know anything about Avery or his medical history and had never heard of Diamond Blackfan Anemia. Being away from home and him getting sick is a huge fear of mine. Thankfully, he recovered after a couple of hours and seemed back to his old self. The doctor said he thinks Avery has an underlying seizure disorder and put him on daily anti-seizure meds. We're going to be seeing the neurologist in a week to see what she thinks.

I'm glad to be home, but part of me wishes I could have stayed a little longer until my house was ready for me. I would have, but Avery has appointments beginning today that I just can't miss. So, it's back to the same old routine for us! I am glad to be back to Phillip; I missed him so bad, and I feel so disconnected after not being with him for so long. He's not a great communicator on the phone, so we have a lot of catching up.

Before I end this incredibly long post, I do want to say that while I was gone, the Lord did answer a prayer for us. In my previous posts, I mentioned that we had a new situation that we were trying to trust the Lord with, and it had us pretty overwhelmed. Actually, the first week I was in Alabama, I was almost physically sick from worry. A couple of days before I left, Phillip called me and told me that God had worked it out for us. Our lives definitely aren't stress-free now, but God is working. God is teaching us to depend totally on Him. He seems to want us not to rely on anyone or anything but Him, and as I'm attempting to have the faith that I need, I am learning that God WILL take care of us. It might not happen when I want, but he's not going to forsake me. I'm so thankful for that.

Until next time...
Bethany