There are a lot of negative things I could write about tonight - like the fact that I hit a big green trash can that happened to be laying in the middle of the highway last night and did who knows how much in damage to my van (okay, so I wrote about just ONE negative thing), but tonight I'm choosing to focus on the positive things going on in my life. I don't want to be a complainer!
First of all, Avery has been coughing less and less, and his appetite has been improving. He's getting so close to reaching a couple of his PT goals. I'm hoping it will happen soon! Even though he's not 100%, he's smiling again!
Also, our realtor told us yesterday that the judgement that had been placed on the house we were trying to buy has been removed. So, we should get a closing date Monday or Tuesday. They are going to let us start moving some things in as soon as we get our date set. Thank God! I've been lying in bed at night worrying about all of the thing we have to do, and I was hoping that renting a storage unit was not going to be necessary. In fact, Thursday night, I was awake until 4:00 a.m. I absolutely could not sleep. I had this panicky, sick feeling in my stomach and was feeling completely overwhelmed. About 3:15, I slipped out of bed to the living room and got on my knees. I prayed for about 30 minutes just pouring out my heart to the Lord. After about 30 minutes, I felt peace settle in. I just sat still for a few minutes and enjoyed the peace of God, then I went to bed and fell asleep. I'm very thankful that I have God to turn to!
Bryson has been especially sweet lately. He had his last day of preschool Wed., and Avery and I went and watched him sing songs and get a certificate. I was so proud that he just sat where he was supposed to and participated so well. Avery and I clapped for him, and I could just see the happiness gleaming in his eyes that we were there with him! Bryson has been coming out of his shell some. He's always been active but also somewhat unfriendly to people when he's put on the spot. Now, he's starting to talk to everyone (the cashier, the people walking on the sidewalk by our house, the neighbor). I guess he gets this from his dad! A couple of days ago, we were waiting in line at Meijer, and a lady got in line behind us. Bryson said, "Hi!" and waved. She said hi and asked his name. He told her his name and asked hers. She replied that she was Lisa. He said, "Nice to meet you. You're purty!" She started giggling, and I was a little embarassed, but also so happy that he was using his manners. He kept talking her leg off until it was finally our turn.
Have I mentioned lately that I have a fantastic, hard-working, thoughtful husband? If not, that's definitely a positive thing to mention. He knows my stress level has been creeping up this week. He tells me, "Don't worry." I'm like, "That really doesn't help!" But the back rubs at bed time do! Today he worked so hard to get several things done that he knew I was stressing about, and he puts up with my ridiculous, obsessive list-making when I know it's not his style and drives him crazy.
I mentioned to Phillip the other day about how trusting kids are. They don't notice stress or financial struggles. They don't worry about the future because they know that their mom and dad will do whatever it takes to feed, clothe, and care for their needs. I'm so far from having this child-like faith, but I desire to have it. I want to just have peace knowing that regardless of how bad a circumstance is, God is going to take care of His child. On this positive note, I'm going to close.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
The Next Kenny Hinson...
Something Bryson has inherited from his dad is a love for the Hinson's music. Here he is singing a classic, "Call Me Gone." He skips a couple of parts, but I think it's pretty entertaining!
Just Call Me Job's Wife!
Oh, the craziness! That pretty much sums up my life right now! My house is slowly being overtaken with boxes, and the day that we have to be out is quickly approaching. Unfortunately, the closing on our new house has been pushed back, so right now, I'm almost homeless! On top of the moving chaos, Avery has been sick since my last post. He ran a fever for three days, and some days, it wasn't dropping at all, even with the tylenol. The pediatrician said it was a bad case of croup, which "bad case" seems to describe every illness that Avery contracts. Yesterday morning Avery finally woke up fever-free, and I thought we were out of the woods, but he's still coughing, has a runny nose, and has been SOOOOO grouchy! It's not like him to be so fussy, but pretty much nothing has made him happy, and he's refusing to eat. This is causing tons of worry for Mama, of course. Add to that his nose bleeds from yesterday, and I'm now worrying about platelet levels. Shew!
On top of all of this, God has once again asked us to trust him in an entirely new and unexpected situation. I won't get into all of the details, but at this point I feel like all of my vulnerabilities are being tested. I told Phillip yesterday that as I look back over the last few years, it seems like every trial we've encountered I've said, "This is the worst situation; I can't handle any more." And then something else happens, and I realize that I HAVE to handle something else. I also told him, somewhat jokingly, that I was starting to feel like Job, or Job's wife, although I don't want to take Job's wife's approach to our trials.
So this morning as I'm home from church with Avery, I thought I'd read a little bit from the book of Job since we have so much in common these days! I've always thought of Job as a strong man who took his trials gracefully and without complaint. As I was reading this morning, I realized that the entire third chapter is pretty much Job's expression of his misery and fear. The first verse says that Job opened his mouth and "cursed his day." Wow! I've felt like doing that a few times! He goes on to say that it would have been better for him to never have been born or to die than to suffer like he is. Verse 25 speaks my exact thoughts: "For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me." I can't even tell you the times that I have seen my greatest fears come to pass. I've watched my child literally fight for his life, and all of those worries and anxieties that a new mother has that usually are unnecessary have become a reality for me. Many of those dreams and aspirations that parents have for their children have been taken away from us. And now, our new situation is requiring me to face another one of my greatest fears.
I'm a picket fence kind of person. I dream of long days with my healthy, happy husband and children in our humble home with a white picket fence around the yard where my boys can run and play. Maybe even a well-behaved dog there too. I want security, not wealth. I've realized the last couple of years that I can be happy with so much less than what I used to think I needed.
Of the 42 chapters of Job, he goes back and forth between lamenting his situation, defending himself and God to his friends, and blessing God. I'm trying to hard to have Job's "Though he slay me..." attitude, when I really want to pray, "Fix this God, and fix it fast!" It does help me to realize that Job wasn't without complaint, worry, or doubt. He was human just like me, but most importantly, he trusted God. That's what I'm striving to do. So, any of you who are reading this and believe in prayer, I would really appreciate it if you would add our family to your prayer list!
On top of all of this, God has once again asked us to trust him in an entirely new and unexpected situation. I won't get into all of the details, but at this point I feel like all of my vulnerabilities are being tested. I told Phillip yesterday that as I look back over the last few years, it seems like every trial we've encountered I've said, "This is the worst situation; I can't handle any more." And then something else happens, and I realize that I HAVE to handle something else. I also told him, somewhat jokingly, that I was starting to feel like Job, or Job's wife, although I don't want to take Job's wife's approach to our trials.
So this morning as I'm home from church with Avery, I thought I'd read a little bit from the book of Job since we have so much in common these days! I've always thought of Job as a strong man who took his trials gracefully and without complaint. As I was reading this morning, I realized that the entire third chapter is pretty much Job's expression of his misery and fear. The first verse says that Job opened his mouth and "cursed his day." Wow! I've felt like doing that a few times! He goes on to say that it would have been better for him to never have been born or to die than to suffer like he is. Verse 25 speaks my exact thoughts: "For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me." I can't even tell you the times that I have seen my greatest fears come to pass. I've watched my child literally fight for his life, and all of those worries and anxieties that a new mother has that usually are unnecessary have become a reality for me. Many of those dreams and aspirations that parents have for their children have been taken away from us. And now, our new situation is requiring me to face another one of my greatest fears.
I'm a picket fence kind of person. I dream of long days with my healthy, happy husband and children in our humble home with a white picket fence around the yard where my boys can run and play. Maybe even a well-behaved dog there too. I want security, not wealth. I've realized the last couple of years that I can be happy with so much less than what I used to think I needed.
Of the 42 chapters of Job, he goes back and forth between lamenting his situation, defending himself and God to his friends, and blessing God. I'm trying to hard to have Job's "Though he slay me..." attitude, when I really want to pray, "Fix this God, and fix it fast!" It does help me to realize that Job wasn't without complaint, worry, or doubt. He was human just like me, but most importantly, he trusted God. That's what I'm striving to do. So, any of you who are reading this and believe in prayer, I would really appreciate it if you would add our family to your prayer list!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Just Some Thoughts...
Husband at the gym, boys in the bed...ahhh! Peace and quiet!
I love all three of these guys I live with to death, but I definitely appreciate solitude every once in awhile.
My plans got changed this morning when Avery woke up with a fever. I immediately started to panic. I've always felt sorry for my kids when they have fevers; they just seem so uncomfortable, and there's not much I can do for them, but I have never feared them until the last few months. Since Avery's first febrile seizure, I now get this panicky, sick feeling in my stomach and pretty much watch him like a hulk. He had one little moment this morning where he got really still and started losing his color, and I was sure he was about to seize. Thankfully, his fever broke this afternoon, and I'm hoping we've seen the end of it.
Yesterday, Avery's labs showed a hemoglobin of 11 (awesome!) and platelets of 60,000 (not so great). We're going back again in two weeks and will probably schedule a bone marrow aspiration. The doctor we saw yesterday suggested we do one every three months for a while, and if the marrow does indeed continue to show failure in more than one line of cells (red cells & platelets), that we proceed with a bone marrow transplant. In some ways, that scares me to death. But if the transplant is successful, then Avery's bone marrow failure would be cured! That's almost too amazing for me to even grasp right now. Of course, it would be a really long process with many risks, and we would have to find a match for him.
My house is becoming a maze of boxes as I move into the final stage of packing. I'm a little bit OCD, I admit, so the entire packing/moving process is getting a little crazy. I make lists and then complete them only to make another list. We only have two weeks left in our house, and I'm hoping my sanity will still be intact by then.
Well, with that, I think I'll get off here and enjoy the last few minutes of my solitude. Night!
I love all three of these guys I live with to death, but I definitely appreciate solitude every once in awhile.
My plans got changed this morning when Avery woke up with a fever. I immediately started to panic. I've always felt sorry for my kids when they have fevers; they just seem so uncomfortable, and there's not much I can do for them, but I have never feared them until the last few months. Since Avery's first febrile seizure, I now get this panicky, sick feeling in my stomach and pretty much watch him like a hulk. He had one little moment this morning where he got really still and started losing his color, and I was sure he was about to seize. Thankfully, his fever broke this afternoon, and I'm hoping we've seen the end of it.
Yesterday, Avery's labs showed a hemoglobin of 11 (awesome!) and platelets of 60,000 (not so great). We're going back again in two weeks and will probably schedule a bone marrow aspiration. The doctor we saw yesterday suggested we do one every three months for a while, and if the marrow does indeed continue to show failure in more than one line of cells (red cells & platelets), that we proceed with a bone marrow transplant. In some ways, that scares me to death. But if the transplant is successful, then Avery's bone marrow failure would be cured! That's almost too amazing for me to even grasp right now. Of course, it would be a really long process with many risks, and we would have to find a match for him.
My house is becoming a maze of boxes as I move into the final stage of packing. I'm a little bit OCD, I admit, so the entire packing/moving process is getting a little crazy. I make lists and then complete them only to make another list. We only have two weeks left in our house, and I'm hoping my sanity will still be intact by then.
Well, with that, I think I'll get off here and enjoy the last few minutes of my solitude. Night!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Happy Mother's Day
Since I have become a mother myself, my appreciation for my mother has grown significantly! I remember my childhood and all the things that my mom did, and as a kid, I just took them for granted. Now, I have a hard enough time keeping up my with my own two kids, keeping my own house clean, and doing all of the other chores that go along with having my own family like grocery shopping, cooking, chauffeuring to and from doctors' appointments and preschool. Suddenly I'm amazed at how my mom managed it all and still was able to raise polite, responsible (at least I like to think we are) Christian children. She made us breakfast almost every morning of my life, and I don't just mean cereal or a pop tart. She drove us to school most mornings so we could sleep as late as possible, and then we'd come home from what we thought was a stressful day at school to find our rooms clean, beds made, house sparkling, and a home-made meal on the stove. She went above and beyond in helping us with school projects and made our wants and needs her priority. She even picked up some house cleaning jobs in her "spare time" to have a little extra for braces, private school, and then later our social activites. Again, I'm simply amazed that she pulled it off, and I'm aspiring to do the same (although the big breakfasts and TASTY meals aren't my strong-point).
As a mother of boys, I am also deeply thankful for my mother-in-law who helped make my husband the amazing man, father, and husband that he is today. If he was anything like mine, then Carolyn deserves an extra jewel in her crown. I know how much I love my little boys and dread the day they grow up and I'll no longer be the only woman in their lives. My mother-in-law has always treated me like a daughter, not a son-stealer. She has fought cancer and beat the odds, and she's with us to celebrate another Mother's Day.
Above all of my other accomplishments in life, I count being a mom as the one that makes me the most proud. Of course, it also makes me crazy sometimes! I thought that teaching a roomful of hormonal middle-school students six periods a day was the most challenging task I would ever encounter. Wow, was I wrong! But even on those crazy days (which are pretty common) I wouldn't change it. I'm so thankful for my precious boys and the opportunity I have to stay home with them now and for my husband, who shares the ups and downs. Now if I can just somehow raise my boys to be polite, responsible, Christian young men...
Happy Mother's Day to all of you amazing, hard-working, under-appreciated moms!
Here's a little story that Bryson shared with me today. Enjoy!
As a mother of boys, I am also deeply thankful for my mother-in-law who helped make my husband the amazing man, father, and husband that he is today. If he was anything like mine, then Carolyn deserves an extra jewel in her crown. I know how much I love my little boys and dread the day they grow up and I'll no longer be the only woman in their lives. My mother-in-law has always treated me like a daughter, not a son-stealer. She has fought cancer and beat the odds, and she's with us to celebrate another Mother's Day.
Above all of my other accomplishments in life, I count being a mom as the one that makes me the most proud. Of course, it also makes me crazy sometimes! I thought that teaching a roomful of hormonal middle-school students six periods a day was the most challenging task I would ever encounter. Wow, was I wrong! But even on those crazy days (which are pretty common) I wouldn't change it. I'm so thankful for my precious boys and the opportunity I have to stay home with them now and for my husband, who shares the ups and downs. Now if I can just somehow raise my boys to be polite, responsible, Christian young men...
Happy Mother's Day to all of you amazing, hard-working, under-appreciated moms!
Here's a little story that Bryson shared with me today. Enjoy!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Our Day at the Zoo
Today we took a trip to the Columbus Zoo, and we had a blast! It's been years since I've been to a zoo, and this was Bryson and Avery's first trip ever. Bryson was so excited that he couldn't get the smile off his face when he talked about it, and he made up a little song that went something like, "I can't wait to go to the zoo-ooo; I can't wait to go to the zoo-ooooooo." The weather was perfect, and the animals were amazing. It's days like today that I know we're making memories that will last a lifetime. I could say more, but I think the photos speak for themselves!
After getting up early and walking who knows how many miles, the boys were exhausted! Here's what our trip home looked like. Notice the cheeseburger hanging out of Avery's mouth. He literally fell asleep in between bites!
As usual, I didn't get a nap today, and all of the excitement has left me beyond tired. So I'm going to call it a night!
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