Just Call Me Job's Wife!

Oh, the craziness! That pretty much sums up my life right now! My house is slowly being overtaken with boxes, and the day that we have to be out is quickly approaching. Unfortunately, the closing on our new house has been pushed back, so right now, I'm almost homeless! On top of the moving chaos, Avery has been sick since my last post. He ran a fever for three days, and some days, it wasn't dropping at all, even with the tylenol. The pediatrician said it was a bad case of croup, which "bad case" seems to describe every illness that Avery contracts. Yesterday morning Avery finally woke up fever-free, and I thought we were out of the woods, but he's still coughing, has a runny nose, and has been SOOOOO grouchy! It's not like him to be so fussy, but pretty much nothing has made him happy, and he's refusing to eat. This is causing tons of worry for Mama, of course. Add to that his nose bleeds from yesterday, and I'm now worrying about platelet levels. Shew!

On top of all of this, God has once again asked us to trust him in an entirely new and unexpected situation. I won't get into all of the details, but at this point I feel like all of my vulnerabilities are being tested. I told Phillip yesterday that as I look back over the last few years, it seems like every trial we've encountered I've said, "This is the worst situation; I can't handle any more." And then something else happens, and I realize that I HAVE to handle something else. I also told him, somewhat jokingly, that I was starting to feel like Job, or Job's wife, although I don't want to take Job's wife's approach to our trials.

So this morning as I'm home from church with Avery, I thought I'd read a little bit from the book of Job since we have so much in common these days! I've always thought of Job as a strong man who took his trials gracefully and without complaint. As I was reading this morning, I realized that the entire third chapter is pretty much Job's expression of his misery and fear. The first verse says that Job opened his mouth and "cursed his day." Wow! I've felt like doing that a few times! He goes on to say that it would have been better for him to never have been born or to die than to suffer like he is. Verse 25 speaks my exact thoughts: "For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me." I can't even tell you the times that I have seen my greatest fears come to pass. I've watched my child literally fight for his life, and all of those worries and anxieties that a new mother has that usually are unnecessary have become a reality for me. Many of those dreams and aspirations that parents have for their children have been taken away from us. And now, our new situation is requiring me to face another one of my greatest fears.

I'm a picket fence kind of person. I dream of long days with my healthy, happy husband and children in our humble home with a white picket fence around the yard where my boys can run and play. Maybe even a well-behaved dog there too. I want security, not wealth. I've realized the last couple of years that I can be happy with so much less than what I used to think I needed.

Of the 42 chapters of Job, he goes back and forth between lamenting his situation, defending himself and God to his friends, and blessing God. I'm trying to hard to have Job's "Though he slay me..." attitude, when I really want to pray, "Fix this God, and fix it fast!" It does help me to realize that Job wasn't without complaint, worry, or doubt. He was human just like me, but most importantly, he trusted God. That's what I'm striving to do. So, any of you who are reading this and believe in prayer, I would really appreciate it if you would add our family to your prayer list!