Back in the Hospital

So it was 8 weeks ago Dec. 8th exactly that we walked into the Bone Marrow Unit with so many emotions it would be impossible to describe. 8 weeks later we finally walked out those front doors and loaded all of our belongings and Avery into our van. I don't think I've ever been so glad to leave somewhere, and Avery looked around and smiled as we pulled out. The evening kind of went downhill from there. The home health nurse arrived to help us hook up his night iv meds and TPN. Avery wouldn't eat anything and wasn't acting like he felt great, so we turned in a little early. Around 1:30 a.m., he had some belly issues that required both Phillip and I to change him and strip the bed. I thought he felt a little warm, so I took his temp. I took it 5 times to be sure, and yes, he was running a fever. A phone call to the BMT doctor on call confirmed our fears; he had to go back to the hospital. So we made it outside of the hospital for a whole 12 hours!

He's back in the hospital with a fever going up and down and clearly uncomfortable. He's refusing to eat although he's got to be hungry. His little belly is just growling away. I think he knows if he eats, it's going to make him sick. He's just been curled up in a ball in his bed or sleeping as we rock him for the last two days.

I went home last night and got Bryson, so he and Emerson are staying here at the Ronald McDonald House, and Phillip and I are trading out with Avery. The plan was for us all to be together this weekend, and Bryson was so looking forward to that. It was the first thing out of his mouth the last few days, "Is today the day Avery gets out of the hospital?"

Right now, I'm just feeling really worried and stressed. I'm obviously worried about Avery. I feel like my happy little boy has been gone for so long, and I worry that he's not going to ever be the same. We worked so hard for a year and a half in feeding therapy, and I think we've just thrown all of that hard work out the window. He's just weak and lethargic, and I need him to start getting better. That sounds strange, I know. He probably wants to feel better more than anything, but I feel like I need it almost as badly. But I'm also worried about Bryson. Although I've had great support from my family and friends, and my sister has been keeping him a lot, I just feel like he has gotten neglected through all of this. That's one of the reasons I went home last night to get him. I just want him to know that we're all still a family. So after a lot of worrying, I think I"m going to meet my mom and send him to Indiana for a few days. He's going to have to miss school, but I know while he's there, he's the center of attention, he's not being exposed to germs like he is at school, and he has to behave.

My mind is just running in a lot of paths right now that I don't want it to. This post is probably full of grammatical errors and awkward sentences that I wouldn't otherwise use, but I am definitely a little stressed right now and pressed for time. Please keep my Avery in your prayers. This road has turned into a longer and more difficult one that I think either Phillip or I ever imagined. I knew it would be tough, but until you're here, there's just no way to comprehend it.

Thanks so much for your prayers. We're hanging on to every one of them!

Bethany