Update

I know, I know -- incredibly boring title. Sorry, friends. I'm fresh out of anything creative or interesting.

For those of you who read this blog simply to keep up on Avery's progress, I'll not keep you in suspense. He is still in the hospital. Last time I posted, he had been readmitted only 12 hours after his discharge. After four days in the hospital, he was once again discharged. Phillip, Emerson, Avery, and I had almost 48 more hours before he once again spiked a fever, and Phillip made another midnight trip to the ER, where he was immediately admitted. That has been nearly a week ago. We're hoping that perhaps tomorrow he will be discharged once again. His temp was borderline this evening (it's not really considered a fever until 100.4...he was like 99.9), so I'm sure hoping and praying that he doesn't heat up. As far as an explanation for the fevers, the best we can figure is that his immune system is still so weak and being suppressed with anti-rejection drugs that any bug at all is causing him to run a fever. His blood counts have been a little lower than they had been, but that could be caused by whatever bug he is fighting. He also has a nasty rash that seems to be getting worse. It almost looks like chicken pox, but it isn't, but it's that kind of blister-y rash. And one of my most worrisome concerns is that he will NOT eat at all. The docs think that his esophagus has closed up again, but since his counts are too low to do a dilatation without putting him at risk for infection, it's just going to have to stay that way for awhile. They placed a new nj tube today to try to keep it open and help with oral meds. I'm just so worried that he's not going to eat again. You just have no idea how much effort we have put into getting him to eat as well as he was prior to BMT. I really hope that he is able to find his way back to where he was.

As you might imagine, life has been just crazy for us. My stress level seems to be almost as high as I possibly think it could be...and then it seems something happens to just increase it. I don't know how many times people have told me how strong that I am, and how they don't know how I do it. Honestly, I'm not strong, and I don't know how I do it either. But I do know that when I am weak, He is strong. Surely God is providing the grace to get through one day at a time because I just don't have the strength on my own.

I'm sure some have quit reading by now...I can't say I blame anyone. My blogs have got to be the most boring and depressing thing to read. Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of bright spots right now to focus on, but I'm hoping that that turns around soon.

Just when I think I've got it bad, I'm reminded of so many others who are hurting and facing their own trials. The other night in line for dinner at the Ronald McDonald House, a new mom standing behind me was talking about her one-week old baby who had almost died the night before. She said that they were giving the baby just a couple of hours to turn around, otherwise they were going to start comfort care. I see other kids come and go from the BMT unit, little bald heads and green masks just like my Avery, and I know that I'm not the only one hurting. There are hospital rooms filled with kids who are literally fighting for their lives and parents who are praying for a miracle.

But, something I must remind myself often of is that God is sovereign. He saw this coming long before I did, and he has a plan. He saw our beginning, and he knows our end. It's easy to feel like life has become a series of random events, but I recently found comfort in this passage of scripture.
Psalms 37: 23-26 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down, for the Lord upholdeth him with His hand. I have been young and am now old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken nor his seed begging bread. He is ever merciful and lendeth and his seed is blessed.

Not only does God see where I am, but he is ordering my steps. I'm so thankful for that!

Tonight we had a small Christmas get-together with my parents and Sarah and Rodney. It was strange with so many missing: Rebecca, Brandon, Ava, Phillip, Avery, and my grandparents. But, we wanted to do it for the kids more than anything. In the morning, the kids and I are heading down to Cincinnati. Since Bryson is out of school on break, we'll probably stay there for a couple of weeks.

This year, I'm not doing Christmas cards. I'm running short on time and Christmas cheer, but I want all of you to know that I'm thankful for each one of you. If anything, this year Phillip and I have learned what an amazing group of friends we have. We wish you all a Merry Christmas!!