I don't really know where to start here. It's amazing how one day in a hospital seems to equal about a week anywhere else -- especially when you're alone with a sick little one. Watching a child suffer is so hard. It's even worse when he has no idea what is going on, and I feel incredibly guilty looking into his big, tear-filled eyes that seem to say, "Why are you doing this to me?" I've spent so much time standing by his bed singing all the songs that normally make him smile but now seem to have no effect, and trying to hold his hand or rub his head when he just pulls away like he doesn't want to be touched. I've also become quite good about speaking up for my little guy when I think he's in pain. Yes, I'm the high-maintenance mom who asks for numbing cream before his chemo injections, asks for Tylenol for even a low grade fever that the hospital would prefer not to treat, and I have discovered that morphine is GREAT! I just want this to be as painless as possible.
I guess at this point it's the little victories we have to celebrate along the way and the outcome we have to focus on. Last night as he was crying and rolling in the bed, I didn't know what to do but pray for him. I just have been asking God everyday to ease his pain and lessen the side effects all these drugs are having on his body. And today God blessed us with an amazingly peaceful day. He has smiled at all the old songs and tricks that he usually does, and I got him out of bed and we danced around the room a little to Barney tunes, and he actually giggled. That sure brightened my day! He's becoming a bit of a couch potato...or I guess more appropriately, a crib potato, since there's not a whole lot to do. I know that the sickness will return soon, but I'm thankful that God gave us today.
I've just been overwhelmed by everyone's concern for Avery. We have had so many people let us know in various ways that they are praying for him. I know that prayer is what sustains us when we can't go on our own strength. Thank you to all of you who pray, and please keep it up!
--Bethany
Thanking God for your "better" day!I love you and am praying for Avery!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Jamie
Will keep on praying! Thanks for the updates.
ReplyDeleteGod bless,
Carrie
You go ahead and be the high maintenance mom, you are his voice! I was that for Chloe and the nurses soon found that I was a nice person and was there for the long haul! Made some great friends (that's kinda sad, making friends cause your in the hospital so long!) and some times late at night when the floor was settled and quiet we would sit and talk and they would tell me about their lives....one wanted a baby so bad, but hadnt had that blessing yet. One had a special needs child, but came to work everyday to work with still more special needs children, some cried with me when dark days hovered and laughed with me as well. God has good people everywhere.
ReplyDeleteAnd I've been asking God for the same blessing, to let the side effects be easy for him. And to help you rest while you're trying to sleep in a makeshift bed. Give him a big hug and kiss for all of us that would if we could!
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