Day -5

The days just keep moving along, even though it seems at a snail's pace, and I must say, considering everything they're pumping into his little body, Avery is doing awesome! He's had some belly issues and been a little grumpy and tired, but that's not unusual. His blood counts seem to be dropping a little more quickly too, but killing cells is the chemotherapy's job, so that is normal too. The little guy has pulled his ng tube out twice this week (both on my husband's watch...ahem...:-]), and is going to have it put back again today.

As I watch those toxic chemicals run through the little tube into Avery's central line, I feel kind of sick that we're actually doing this to him. Of course I know it's in his best interest, but that doesn't make it much easier. I've been holding my breath, just waiting to see how he reacts. He does have another day of the current chemo, and then one last kind of chemo to take this week. It's the bad stuff from what I hear. It is designed to wipe out any existing bone marrow or immune system leftover from the previous two rounds of chemo before the new stem cells are infused.

This Friday, the 28th, is the big day! That is when Avery will receive his donor stem cells, which will hopefully graft quickly into Avery's bone marrow and begin producing healthy cells for him. Because of privacy policies in place, we're not allowed to know much about the donor. All we know is that he is a 20-year old male, and one last piece of information that was red-flagged during the evaluation process is that he spent 4 days in juvenile detention. This wasn't a disqualifying factor, but it was something they passed on to us. I thought it was rather humorous, and I'm so thankful that somewhere in the world a 20-year old ex-juvie is giving my son a chance to live! About a year post transplant, there may be an opportunity to correspond or meet.

Phillip and I have been rotating in and out based on Phillip's work schedule and our other kids. It's tough; we have literally been passing each other and communicating via quick phone conversations and texts. It feels strange for me to leave my sick boy at the hospital, but we're trying to provide some stability for Bryson and Emerson too...mostly Bryson. He's having a rough time with all of this and asks daily when Avery is coming home. Avery has been in and out of the hospital all of his life, so Bryson is used to that, but this extended stay and not being able to see him is different. He gets teary-eyed even talking about Avery, and he told me last night that I'm not allowed to push him on the swing until Avery comes home. I'm not sure if that's his way of having something to look forward to or what. For me it's very odd doing "normal" things right now. Yesterday, my cabinets and fridge were practically empty, so I loaded up Bryson and Emerson and went to the grocery store. I bought necessities, but honestly, I didn't feel like being there and I felt like I was neglecting Avery by being at the grocery store when he's in the hospital. I know, that's weird, but everything is so mixed up right now. I feel disconnected to Bryson and Emerson after spending a few days in the hospital. My sister hands me Em, and I think, "Okay, what does she need now when she's fussing?" This is all part of the process, and I know we'll get through it. It's just difficult at the moment.

We are literally taking it one day at a time, one hurdle at a time, one situation at a time. Please continue to pray that this last round of chemo won't be as bad as what they say, and of course, that they new cells will start working quickly. I appreciate each and every prayer that so many of our friends and family are sending up for us!

Love,
Bethany